FAQ on Divorce and Remarriage
1. What does God think of divorce?
According to Malachi 2:14, God “hates divorce.” However, He permits it only in certain circumstances (see Q4) as an accommodation to man’s sin (“hardness of heart”) for the protection of the innocent party (Matthew 19:5-9). As a concession and not a part of God’s original plan for marriage, all believers should seek the same attitude of hatred toward divorce, as does God (Ephesians 5:1).
2. If I am currently divorced, what should I do?
Carefully examine the teaching of the Scriptures regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage before you get involved in another relationship. Determine whether your divorce meets the biblical criteria and allows remarriage. Consult with your church leaders to check your understanding and clarify any questions.
3. Does the Bible anywhere “command” divorce in certain situations?
In the Old Testament, God commanded divorce for some unique circumstances that did not apply as a rule to every marriage (Ezra 10:2-17, Nehemiah 13:23,30). In the New Testament, divorce is only commanded for one specific situation: If an unbeliever initiates a divorce from their believing spouse, the believer is commanded to “let him leave” (1 Corinthians 7:15).
4. What are the biblical grounds for divorce?
There are only two: (1) immorality (Matthew 5:32, 19:9; 1 Corinthians 5:1), or (2) an unbelieving partner who initiates the divorce to their believing spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-15 – “leave” [gr. – chorizo] is used four times in this chapter and means to divorce)
5. What is immorality?
Jesus used the word “porneia” which refers to any immoral sexual activity (e.g., adultery, incest, bestiality, homosexuality, prostitution, rape, etc.)
6. What about a spouse who is involved with pornography?
While this is immoral and a sin against God and the spouse, it is not a physical consummation that releases the offended spouse from the marriage. The immoral spouse must be called to repentance with the support of the church family as needed.
7. What is adultery?
The word Jesus uses for adultery (gr. – moicheuo) includes any sexual activity with the spouse of another, or outside the marriage itself.
8. While permitted, is divorce the best option to take in cases of immorality?
Not necessarily. Since God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15), reconciliation may be preferred over the permission to divorce just as Hosea the prophet did with his adulterous wife Gomer (Hosea 1-3; God Himself did this with adulterous Israel-Jer. 3:8, Isa. 54:6-7). Joseph was still considered a righteous man for wanting to divorce Mary for what he perceived was adultery (Matthew 1:19).
9. Can a Christian remarry after divorcing his spouse for immorality?
Yes, but it is wise to be patient and address any issues from the divorce. It is also wise to consider the possibility of remarriage to the immoral spouse if they have repented and not remarried another spouse (or died). A believer is only allowed to marry or remarry another believer who is biblically eligible to be married or remarried (i.e., one who has never married, whose spouse has died or has been biblically divorced).
10. What is an unbiblical divorce and remarriage?
It is any divorce or remarriage that does not meet the criteria stated in God’s Word as explained in this FAQ.
11. Does the Bible allow remarriage when there has been an unbiblical divorce?
No (Luke 16:18, I Corinthians 7:10-11), unless one party remarries and thus commits adultery thereby freeing the divorced partner to remarry (Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11), or if one of the spouses dies (Romans 7:2-3).
12. Is a person allowed to remarry who has been through a divorce prior to becoming a Christian?
Yes, since “the old things passed away and new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). It may be wise to wait and see what the Lord may do in bringing an unsaved ex-spouse to faith in Christ and then pursue reconciliation. But a divorced new believer is free to remarry only in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39), which would not include the former spouse unless they come to Christ.
13. What if I become a Christian and my mate remains an unbeliever?
You are called to remain faithful to God in your marriage as long as your spouse desires to remain married (1 Corinthians 7:12-16, 20, 27). God has provided clear instruction to a believing wife for how she should live with an unbelieving and/or disobedient mate ( Peter 3:1-6).
14. Can a believing spouse remarry if divorced by an unbeliever?
Yes, since they are no longer bound according to 1 Corinthians 7:15.
15. Does the Bible allow divorce for any other reason, such as violence, drunkenness, drug addiction, imprisonment, insanity, emotional or verbal abuse?
No, but wise and careful consultation should be sought (intervention of the church and state) to protect life and family members from ungodly and unlawful harm. The lack of repentance and the church discipline process may indicate the reality of an unsaved spouse.
16. Does the Bible permit separation?
Yes, but not as most think. The Bible speaks of a sexual separation by mutual consent of both married spouses and then only for a brief time for the purpose of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5). The Bible does not reference any separation of spouses from one another for any other reason. As noted in question 15, separation may be necessary due to unlawful activity that is endangering life and limb or to provide a short-term opportunity for measurable change with appropriate accountability.
17. If I have been in an unbiblical divorce, what can I do?
You can make sure you have repented of your sin, affirm God’s forgiveness, and then follow God’s instructions to remain unmarried or pursue reconciliation (1 Cor. 7:10-11). If your former spouse dies (thus preempting reconciliation) or remarries (thus committing adultery), then you can pursue a biblical remarriage.
18. If I’m married to someone but had no biblical right to marry him or her, should I divorce now that I know better?
No, again divorce is only allowable for the two previously discussed reasons (Q4) and not for attempting to correct an unbiblical marriage or remarriage. God laid out instructions in the Old Testament to regulate sinful remarriages (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). It is best to acknowledge your sin to God, accept His forgiveness, and then seek to honor the Lord in your current marriage. Additionally, your second unbiblical marriage is recognized by God as “adultery” and thus frees your former spouse to remarry if so desired (Mark 10:11-12).
19. If my spouse divorces me and I didn’t want the divorce, am I free to remarry?
Only after your former spouse commits adultery by another sexual union (outside of marriage), remarriage (Matthew 5:32, Luke 16:18) or dies (Romans 7:2-3).
20. What about the reference to God divorcing Israel?
God spiritually divorced His people Israel for spiritual adultery (Jeremiah 3:8). This reveals that it is not a sin to divorce a mate for adultery as previously noted.
21. Are there any other exceptions addressed by God’s Word?
Yes, but they are specifically addressed to those living under the Mosaic law. If a man charged his wife with wrongdoing and was found to be lying, he could never divorce her (Deuteronomy 22:13-19). If a man was immoral with a virgin who was not betrothed (engaged), he had to marry her and would never be allowed to divorce her (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). Also, God’s temple priests were not allowed to marry a divorced woman (Leviticus 21:7) but required to “take a wife in her virginity” (Lev. 21:13-14).
22. How should a church handle unbiblical divorce and remarriage?
Like any other sin, it should be addressed first by those who become aware that an unbiblical divorce or remarriage is being pursued. The process Jesus defines for us in Matthew 18:15-20 provides a step-by-step approach for pursuing repentance and restoration. If an unbiblical divorce or remarriage takes place without the knowledge of the church leaders or body, the church is still called to hold each person accountable to God’s expectation. In the case of an unbiblical divorce, confession and repentance should be sought from the sinning party (or parties) and a commitment made to remain unmarried or to be reconciled (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Where there’s been a remarriage after an unbiblical divorce, confession and repentance should be sought as well as a commitment to remain faithful in the current marriage.
23. How should a church body treat those who have gone through divorce and remarriage?
If both the divorce and remarriage have been biblically allowed, then the church should not hesitate to support and encourage each individual or couple in their new circumstance. However, if the divorce or remarriage has not been for biblical grounds, then the church must follow the process of restoration God has provided in Matthew 18:15-20 (explained in Q22).
24. What Scriptures can I look up to help me better understand the issue of divorce and remarriage?
Matthew 5:31-32, 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; 1 Corinthians 7:7-40
10 Questions to Ask Before You Remarry
1. Is my former spouse still living?
As long as your former spouse is still living, you are not released to marry again (Romans 7:2-3, 1 Cor. 7:39) unless your divorce meets the criteria of Matt. 5:32 (immorality) and/or 1 Cor. 7:12-15 (unbeliever divorces). Younger widows are encouraged to remarry (I Tim. 5:14).
2. Did your former spouse remarry?
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 forbids remarrying your former spouse who has since been remarried to another. The remarriage of your spouse to another ends all prayers and hopes of reconciliation. You are only free to remarry if your former spouse dies (see Q#1) or gets remarried (commits adultery - Matt. 5:32).
3. Did your former spouse commit immorality while you were married?
First of all, if you committed immorality (Gr. - porneia), your only option is to stand for the reconciliation of your marriage, remain single, wait for the death of your spouse or their remarriage. Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 indicate immorality breaks the marriage bond and God graciously permits a divorce for the sake of the offended partner.
4. Was your former spouse an unbeliever who willingly left you?
1 Corinthians 7:12-15 states that if you are married to an unbeliever and they want to leave the marriage, let them go and then you are “not under bondage” (free to remarry - see verse 39). If they want to remain, work to make the marriage a blessing.
5. Did you become a Christian after you were divorced?
2 Corinthians 5:17 says “old things have passed away and new things have come” in regard to a believer’s new life in Christ. Therefore, we are not bound by our former sins.
6. Have you tried to reconcile with your former spouse?
If so, what did you do in pursuing that reconciliation? 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 teaches that if we were divorced (for unrighteous grounds) then we must either work for reconciliation or remain single unless our former spouse dies or gets remarried.
7. Are you willing to remain single until your circumstance is clearly resolved in a biblical manner?
Jesus shares with us that it is possible to remain single (eunuchs) for the sake of the kingdom of God (Matthew 19:12). Until God resolves every issue He requires, we must commit ourselves to remain single and focused on the Lord.
8. Is the person you are planning to marry a believer?
God has directed believers only to marry believers (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14). In the Old Testament, a unique situation arose where unequally yoked marriages were formed against God’s command. This led to polygamous marriages which resulted in a mandate from God’s leaders to “make a covenant to put away all the wives” (Ezra 9:1-3, 10:2-4). This illustrates God’s desire to bring together men and women who share a common faith in the Lord, so we must carefully choose mates who know the Lord.
9. Has the person you want to marry ever been divorced?
If so, was it for a biblically permissible reason? 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 reveals that while it is permissible to remarry (obviously the biblical issues are resolved), you will have “trouble in this life” (past issues, step children, etc.) and it would be better “not to seek a wife.” The only biblically available divorcee is one who was the victim of immorality and/or divorced by their unbelieving spouse.
10. Have you had sexual relations with the person you want to marry or are now living with?
This is a serious problem today and believers must submit themselves to God’s call to purity (no pre-marital sex) in the relationship. Not only does this violate God’s standard of holiness (Proverbs 5:7-14, 22-23; 1 Cor. 6:15-20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7; Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 5:3; Romans 13:14), but it invites the seeds of destruction into your relationship (lack of trust, weakened intimacy, guilt). Confession and repentance must be pursued for God’s honor and blessing.