On Fear and Anxiety
Growing up I was blessed to have very loving parents. I loved both my parents but relied mostly on my mother for comfort and security. I used to worry that when the day came for my mother to die, I wouldn’t be able to survive without her. When my mother passed away in 2011, I was able to accept her passing more than I expected mainly because I have a loving and caring husband. He has provided me with the comfort and security far beyond what I once had from my mother. But what about the Lord? Do I trust in the Lord’s sovereign will and goodness for my spiritual ultimate good? Am I placing my temporal desires for comfort and security as a higher goal than pleasing God? Is it all about me or is it about loving God and others more?
WHAT IS FEAR AND ANXIETY?
Rather than relying on the Lord, I had been focusing on myself which resulted in on-going fear and anxiety. What is fear and anxiety? How does one define it? Elyse Fitzpatrick, in her book Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety, defines fear as “a felt reaction to perceived danger.” ( Elyse Fitzpatrick, Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety, Chapter 1, “Understanding How Fear Works” (Harvest House Publishers, 2001)). She goes on to explain that natural fear is a gift from God to alert us to real danger. However, sometimes we are afraid of something that really isn’t dangerous, but it is a simply a threat to meeting our wants and desires. This kind of fear is sinful fear. We are told in God’s Word to put off sinful fear and replace it with the fear of God (Proverbs 3:5-6; Philippians 4:6-7; Proverbs 1:7).
Ed Welch describes anxiety as follows:
While fear usually has reasons, anxiety might be less precise. It is harder to locate a specific cause. Or anxiety may have too many reasons. Anxiety can lead to panic attacks which means the body responds to perceived danger with shortness of breath, chest pains, rapid heartbeat, nausea, dizziness, and other physical experiences. Often, it feels like you could die. (Edward T. Welch, A Small Book for The Anxious Heart, Day 2 “Descriptions” (New Growth Press, 2019)).
Habitual anxious thoughts eventually cause the unpleasant panic type reactions to become automatic in nature. Anxiety and panic attacks are reactions to perceived dangers that are most often not real dangers.
If these habitual thoughts are perceived dangers but are not real, why did I allow (and at times continue to allow) them to continue? Before answering that question, I will tell you that I prayed and prayed asking God to take away my fears and anxieties. I felt like God was deaf to my prayers because I wasn’t getting any relief. I just wanted to get rid of these terrible, scary feelings. Why wasn’t God listening to me?
James 4:3 says, “You ask and do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures” (NASB). Even though in the context of this verse, James is talking about conflict and quarrels between people in the church, the verse made me think that my prayers about wanting to get rid of anxiety were just so I could feel good rather than wanting to please God.
IDOLS OF THE HEART
To get to the root of the problem, I needed to take an inventory of the idols of my heart. Heart in this context refers to our inner self that others can’t see (desires, thoughts, motives, will, etc.). Desires of our hearts in and of themselves may not be sinful. But when we are willing to sin to get those desires met, they become sinful idols. Sometimes it is difficult to know your own idols. Jeremiah 17:9 says “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick (NASB).” Our hearts have been called “idol factories” by theologians because we often have many.
With the help of a dear Sister, I discovered that my idols were layered and went very deep. Let me explain by directing you to follow the flow diagram below as your read through the next few paragraphs. Idols of the heart are triggered when we face difficult circumstances, relationships, or any other type of struggle. When I find myself in a struggle, feelings of anxiety and panic arise because of habitual sinful thoughts. I might not even be aware that I am thinking what I’m thinking because it has become such a habit—I just feel the emotion (anxiety and panic). Sinful thoughts include what I call the “what-ifs.” “What-ifs” are a sign of not trusting God (sin of unbelief).
Moving down the flow chart, you see “surface motives” listed. Our primary motive should always be to please God, but my motives included fear of man (people pleasing) and the need to be in control. I did things to please people with the motive of getting something back from them. To make sure I got what I wanted, I worked hard to be in control. What did I want people to do for me and what did I want to control? The answer is listed after the next arrow on the flow chart. I wanted comfort, convenience, pleasure, security, protection, and safety. Even deeper motives for me included being self-focused rather than loving others with the deepest motive to place myself on the throne rather than God. (Edward T. Welch, Motives (P&R Publishing Company, 2003), 11.)
CHANGING THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS
Once I figured this out, I wanted to change. I wanted to please God. My goal was to put off fear and anxiety and put on trust in God. However, I still had some roadblocks after confessing my sin. A sweet Sister of mine pointed out to me that even though I believed in God, I wasn’t believing in what God said and I wasn’t believing in His character. It made me think of the Bible verse in Mark 9:24 where one of Jesus’ followers cries out, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”
I learned two things that I needed to do:
1. I realized I couldn’t change on my own strength (self-reliance). I needed the Holy Spirit’s power to help me change so I prayed for God to help me change in a way that would bring Him honor.
2. I began to meditate on God’s character. He is good, sovereign, faithful, and works all things out for His glory and our good so that we can be transformed into His image (Romans 8:28-29) and He loves us.
To fear God means to rely and trust in God (the Creator) rather than self or other creatures (people). It took a while for that to make sense to me. I now understand that it means because God is Creator and Lord, we need to obey Him (that is fear of Lord). We can trust Him because He never leaves us or forsakes us (Hebrews 3:5).
My most recent revelation from God’s Word regarding my understanding about anxiety is that God may allow us to struggle in difficult circumstances to test our faith, grow us in our faith, and cause us to draw closer to Him. Finally, with the help of my dear Sister, I have come to understand that there will still be times that anxiety will come. The sin is not the feeling of anxiety itself. The sin is coming from sinful habitual thoughts (and behaviors) which result in emotions of anxiety and panic. I need to focus on changing thoughts (and behaviors).
Because our hearts are deceitful, it can be challenging to identify idols of the heart. I found two more things I must do:
1. Pray the prayer from Psalms 139:23-24, “Search me O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way” (NASB).
2. Journal by answering the following questions: a) What was the circumstance or situation? b) What was I thinking? c) What was it that I wanted? d) Was I honoring God by trusting Him and/or obeying Him?
Once idols have been identified, I need to confess my sin and ask myself what I need to put off and turn away from and replace it with something that pleases God. I pray Psalms 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (NASB).
The bottom line is being less self-focused and more focused on pleasing God and serving others. Some practical ways of putting this into action are to partake in the various means of grace that are available to us as a church:
On-going Bible study, prayer, and fellowship with others (such as being a member of a Life Group or Flourish Group),
Attending church and listening to the sermons,
Serving others in our church,
Helping other women who struggle with fear and anxiety like me.
We won’t be perfect until we see Jesus face to face. I continue to struggle, but we can mature in Christ as we seek to magnify Him.